my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
