what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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