all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
