nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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