I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
