dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
