WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
