insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
