i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
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