how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
