he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
