I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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