allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
