Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
