I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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