You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
