I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
