Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
