i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
another moral hangover. fuck.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
