her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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