sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
