He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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