And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
