I'm jealous of your bromance
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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