Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
my liver is dry heaving
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
