Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
