You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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