I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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