something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
