Please, let me fuck your mom
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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