you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
