We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize