is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
