hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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