I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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