yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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