The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
