We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well you can't waste a boner
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
