She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
