My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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