i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
