I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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