Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize