It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
