It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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