So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ttyl tear gas
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
