Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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