That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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