She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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