Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
whose parrot is this?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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