mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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