so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
