If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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