Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
