So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
