I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
