I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
