I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
