I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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