My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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