one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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