she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
how drunk are you?
Several
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
