i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
