I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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