i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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