he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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