you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
