Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
