Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
