They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
